Not getting much in the way of sleep these days. My does have begun kidding, and with the advent of the storm called Thor, aided by a full moon (which generally means births galore in full-term anything) I was on pins and needles when it dipped below zero the other night.
Blessings are hidden everywhere if only one takes the time to seek them out, and I found one on my 4 a.m.-ish trek to check on the pregos and the newbies.
Clad in a turquoise polar fleece robe over my sky-blue polar fleece pajama bottoms tucked into my mud-encrusted neoprene barn boots, the whole ensemble covered by my well worn Carhartt barn coat that by this point in the season could walk to the barn by itself, so covered in, um, muck and amniotic fluid is it, out the door I went.
My head was down, chin tucked into my cheetah print polar fleece scarf (seeing a theme here?) and all I could hear was that horrid scrunching noise that snow makes when it is way too cold for man or beast. I can't stand that noise...to me it's like fingernails on a chalkboard.
I stopped to open the gate, and then I sensed it! Complete and utter stillness! It was as if God had commanded all of nature to be silent...just for a moment...and then muffled it further with a 20 inch silencer of snow.
"Look up!" I felt commanded, and so I did. There was that moon, round and full and glowing, making the snow shimmer as if encrusted with diamonds. And the stars...it seemed as if I could see millions of them, twinking high above and mimicing in the sky the gem-like vision on the ground. And everywhere I looked it was so...so...blue.
"You are so small," I heard in my head. "And though you think you have control over so much, you don't. Certainly not this weather, nor when those does give birth, or whether or not those kids warming by the fire in baskets in your living room live or die, and certainly not the choices others make...that is for them to decide. But I am with you always, so do your best and rest in me. You have heard it before...I have a plan, and My ways are not your ways."
I know, and I'm trying Lord. I really am. And I began to cry, which was a very bad idea in those temperatures. I tried wiping my eyes and nose with the cuff hanging out from under my dirty coat, but as everyone knows, a virtue of polar fleece has never been its absorbancy.